She says: “I find myself often wondering if I am a narcissist because I often complain about my daughter (who I feel is possibly a narc) out of sheer frustration.”
Comment: As usual, the narcissistic mommy refuses to understand what narcissist means and then suddenly tries to award the title to the scapegoat.
She says: “She still lives at home (aged 28)…”
Comment: You are supposed to feel shocked that the girl is in her late 20s and still living in her parental home. This is called appeal to tradition. Narcissistic parents use it to spice up their smear campaign and solidify their sense of entitlement. They seem to believe that traditions make them immune to severe consequences.
She says: “and does not want to follow the "House Rules", i.e.: keep her bedroom / bathroom clean & tidy, do her washing regularly, once a month the four adults in the house do kitchen duty,…”
Comment: This is a common complaint you will often hear from narcissistic mothers. Don’t take it at face value. Going down the rabbit hole can show you that the scapegoat is doing whatever she has to, but the mother is deliberately ignoring it to keep the girl in her role. It is also possible that she is too tired after work and has stopped trying because she knows it will never be acknowledged.
She says: “i.e.: for one week a month we need to keep the kitchen clean and tidy and feed our little dog”
Comment: She is not saying that she feeds the little dog for one week a month but it looks like this way because she has got too involved in her word salad. Narcissists are notorious for going gibberish.
She says: "If she goes out on a week night, I expect her to to be home by midnight because I worry about safety (our country is a high crime zone) and she works in a pharmacy so needs to be focused and not hung over. All of these things I would have no control over if she lived in her own place but since she lives at home I expect her to follow these basic rules."
Comment: So what she is saying here is that if the girl becomes victim of a crime while going back to her place it is all good. Once again, another Nmommy shows off her psychopathic side.
She says: “She however does not want to be told what to do - so basically living in the comfort of her parents house (paying $50 rental - nothing towards food) and come and go as she pleases.”
Comment: As we learned before, Nmommies never forget to talk about the money matter. Did she ask for more from her scapegoat? Quite unlikely since that can weaken the smear campaign. It is true that scapegoats come and go as they please, but it happens after they become certain that nothing of what they do will ever change their reputation in the family.
She says: “If I complain when she is not following the rules then I am shouted at and told that I am preventing her from finding a husband and getting married and she will end up living at home forever”.
Comment: Do notice there is no logical flow in her sentence. This is another example of word salad. What basic rules have to do with finding a husband? But yes, it is true that Nmommies have habit of provoking the scapegoats so that they open their defense mechanism and get trapped in the smear campaigns. Surely, that is why, most psychologists recommend staying quiet. But it just does not work all the time. According to one victim, when she tried it her mom went furious and finally slapped her to get the fight going.
She says: “She makes up stories about childhood experiences that neither myself, my husband nor my son recall - and we are usually in the story.”
Comment: These are not childhood experiences, but abuses she bore. As expected, scapegoat's family is in denial about it.
She says: “She takes money out of our wallets, helps herself to groceries to take to friends or to work without asking,”
Comment: Did she tell the scapegoat to not do it? Obviously, no since that would work against the smear campaign.
She says: “she has even once put us all in danger when she came home drunk from a night out, left the doors open (of her car and the house) and did not set the house alarm. Luckily, someone drove her home (in her car) otherwise she would have driven home drunk.”
Comment: One scapegoated husband I know became victim of similar complaint. He did close the door, but forgot to lock it. His narcissistic wife went around saying he intentionally put their family in danger. Exercise caution when you hear these Ncharacters complain.
She says: “She is irresponsible and when I try to have a conversation with her about her attitude and behavior it usually ends in a shouting match with her telling me that I am controlling.”
Comment: This simply means Nmommy’s job is done. She wants to present her daughter as irresponsible and hence, the long complaint list.
She says: “My husband feels that we should tell her to find a place of her own - tough love - but I know that she cannot afford it right now.”
Comment: Just the indirect way of telling people her daughter is financially a loser.
She says: “It's a catch 22 and because I feel so negatively towards her, I feel narcissist but a part of me says that she is actually the narcissist......”
Comment: She ends it with projection.
